What seems LoSt will Once again be FOuNd

...Had a "BLAST"...

...met up w/ Samantha for lunch a few days ago...we went to this AMAZING place called SweetGreen. {I say amazing...really..they only sell create-your-own-salads and yogurt and home made drinks..}but all of the above are FANTASTIC!! I had Romain and goat cheese and apples, red grapes and dried cranberries with their delisious balsamic vinigrette and it was OUT OF THIS WORLD...never had a salad so noteworthy. We were GOING to have frozen yogurt afterwards but we got so into talking that we looked at our cells and realized we went over what we had paid on our meeters by 20 minutes already so we dropped everything and ran as fast as we could (i was in superplatforms) to make sure we weren*t ticketed.


*I would also like to note that to get into the ITTY BITTY spot behind Sams car i had to parrallel park...something ive had to do in real life MAYBE once prior?? It took me about 36 back and forths but i got in!!
....during lunch i realized that it was Sams b~day the NEXT DAY!!! {im SO BADDD at remembering dates and birthdays!!!) After we both went on a hunt for glass containers... (bc i decided the thing that would cheer me up would be a glass jar for the oxyclean?????) i told her she had to come to the NRA range with DJ and i that night and then sleepover....SO on our way to the range in the pouring rain...we*re having a discussion about how great it is to have a car and how the bus system here is kinda crappy...BOOMM!!!! We hit a curb....(in VA they randomly put mini curb-dividers on some turning lanes...and DJ flew over it and...dented the rim and messed up the suspension...SOOO over the past couple days we*ve been busy doing damage control...I was at enterprise feeling a tad sorry for myself and then reality walked in the door...a man came in and asked the woman for a black van...she said wow...you*re a very lucky man, we very rarly have any vans at this facility! He said...well, i dunno, my mother just died and i have to take her home...
...WHAT?!?! first of all the looks on mine and the womans face went blank..and we both felt horrible. The man was still smiling and all...and had previously been joking around with us...but gosh....i could deffinatly be in their renting a car for a much worse reason.

OH...also...got a call in the car on my way to meet Sam for lunch from a woman i had submitted a resume to ..more than 5 months ago....she said...a position JUST OPENED...TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT..I COULD ONLY HALF LISTEN BC I WAS STILL trying to figure out who i was talking to and where this place was...(NY, CT, VA?)...i thanked her, told her i was in va now and we had our lese till at least june 24th...she said to check out the website again and get back to her...went home...checked it out---remembered how amazing the place was...UGH!! Then got a message from a friend that told me the place she works at that i had applied to 5 months ago was looking for someone...AWESOME....so yea....that was all super helpful!

Point your TOES!!!! YESS!!!

lET*S SEE....quick update that*s a little more upbeat...
{sorry everyone for my little slump b4}

Don't miss those ripped up hands!

...i recently drove to NY to watch my little brother compete in his very first gymnastics competition...he went in saying "i HOPE i at least get a 3" He ended up getting above a
15 in one event {highest score is a 16 for mens events) His first event he went to he got i believe a 13.1...and we could see him from all the way across the gym freaking out jumping around...my heart just exploded with joy. There is NOTHING better than watching a loved one succeed. Especially when they are so young. I haven*t been that tense in a LONG time! Prob since MY competition days...but not even..bc this ws worse..watching him compete.
I video taped the entire thing and you can hear me talking to him {myself} about a mile a minute..."yes yes!! point your toes!!! nice!!! OOO..OO!!! straighten that leg...no...YES!! THANK YOU!!..."..etc. Gosh am i going to be mess when i have children. And the sweetest part...is that the SECOND he finished each event he would turn to us to see our reaction...once he was so excited to see my reaction that he forgot to salute the judge... It reminds me of when i used to direct the GCS performances...and after the show all the parents would come up to me and say...we could all tell EXACTLY where you were sitting...bc the kids didn*t take their eyes off you for a minute. There*s nothing better than watching children succeed and have fun.


Which brings me to a very exciting find.
....While i was home, I decided to box up all the cds and cassette tapes out in my mom*s living room....WELL...i found a bunch of my old cassettes ... mix taped made for me with so much love by very special friends...{you know who you are} and my old mary-kate and ashley "i am the cute one" tape....an old bert and ernie best hits tape...WELL...we no longer had a cassette PLAYER that worked BUT i did make a list of all my favorite childhood songs for my friend jason to download for me...i cannot WAIT to be able to listen to them every day....actually i couldn't really wait and sang them as i fell asleep last night. It*S CRAZY...how you can not hear a song for ..what? over 15 years....but you remember EVERY word...


...I ALSO got to surprise one of my best friends Amanda for her 24th B-DAY celebration!!! It was amazing to get to make it and be there...and while we were out...i literally bumped into my old room mate Kim!!!! We literally stared at each other dumbfounded for at least two long minutes b4 we instantly cried and squeezed for a long period of time. LOL. I*m so glad to see her doing well. Afterrr that night of dancing and such we went back to amanda*s...made a fort in her living room..and snuggled with her kitten as we fell asleep to sleeping beauty. The NEXT day i got amanda ready for her Snow white photoshoot with Glenn and Brooke...It was straight up americas neXt top model scenario photo shoot...
where amanda sucked it up and posed in negative 15 degree weather and even finished off laying in the snow {after she had been poisoned by the apple} I wish people could have seen what the rest of us behind the scenes looked like....COVERED in layers of clothing and also draped with props and blankets that we would throw over her in between takes.

It was an extrodinary trip...OH i also got to go in a snow igloo and went sledding and had a roll down the hill fastest competition...AND found out some very exciting news...but i dont think i can post about it yet...
...have to go now...going to devour some banana and blueberry pancakes!

Stages of Life

Thing are always in a constant state of change...[is that an oxymoron?]...but right now it feels as if everyone around me is in a big transition period.
My friend Amanda is going to be picking up and moving to Texas...Brooke & Glenn are really trying to get to South Carolina soon...Patty & Dean want to move...I want to move....and my Grandfather is probably going through the greatest transition of all.

After god knows how many decades, my grandfather will be retiring from his job as an accountant. NOTHING could make me happier than this. It was going to be the death of him...and though it has caused damage already...he sounds healthier than I can*t even remember when. I can*t wait to see him, bc he tells me he*s been eating non stop which is GREAT...bc now the most well dressed Grampa around will actually fill out his clothes and look like the dashing Gramps he used to be. I want more than anything to go for walks with him in the sunshine and catch things out of the creeks like we used to...[but i can*t..bc I*m here] He has moved into a new place for now...and may be thinking about selling the old house. THIS chokes me up every time I think about it...bc even though i know it*S not a place that holds memories, it*s people...THAT house holds most of my favorite happy memories inside it*s walls. It would bring together my entire family on thanksgivings and other holidays and birthdays....I remember playing dress up with my grandmothers clothes in that house, my aunt putting makeup on me for the first time in that house, my step brothers and I flushing my Uncle Lawrences' shoe down the toilet in that house, throwing everything that would fit down the magical laundry shoot....cooking in the kitchen with all the women of the family laughing the whole time...I remember Nanny being there at Thanksgiving too... after I had finished eating I would melt under the table and "discretely" listen to the adults conversations while tying every ones shoelaces together... I remember every nook and crevasse in that house bc I hid in each one many times playing hide and seek....I remember giving performances in it*s beautifully plush living room....I remember sword fighting with Grandpa with this priceless antique sword and him not caring one bit...I remember setting my slinky free down the staircase about a million times and it never getting old..also sliding down the banister...I remember making copies of all kinds of funny things with grandpa downstairs and thinking it was so fun... I remember barbecues out on the beautiful stone patio....and worm watching in our secret worm watching spots...
...but as things do...change occurred and now overtime the house has lost most of it*s warmth and magical powers now thanksgivings are held all over the place as well as other holidays...so I guess it seems fitting that Grandpa move...i want him to be happy, and while he still clings on to believing the house has magical powers like i had for so long..i think there shows promise of a new kind of life somewhere else for him.



What I know for sure is that this entire process of moving him out has called upon the family to come together once again.... and for selfless tasks to be carried out for this wonderful man. It warms my heart and inspires my soul to hear that my family members have really stepped up to make Grandpas life as carefree as possible. They really, in my eyes are superheros..and I am in awe of their power. I hope with everything that I have that one day I will be secure enough a human being to help my loved ones to their capacity.



I feel like people move in search of or because of opportunity and/or fulfillment.
What happens when you move, and you are not happy? Do you force yourself? If so..why didn*T you just force yourself to be happy with the place you started? People say it*s in your own hands to make yourself happy where ever you are....but I have been trying desperately for about 7 months now and each day I feel worse. Each day I wake up and hope for a miracle to hit me in the face....bc I've searched all around for ways to make one happen for myself here...and I've never felt so un-inspired in my life....therefor I am unsuccessful. And YES...I have tried all the little things...i*ve tried to teach myself guitar again, Ive tried painting, Ive gone for walks, taken classes at the gym....trying to make the small things keep me at least entertained and feeling a little fulfilled.. but nothing ever does the trick..ill be happy when i*m doing the activity but then once im done i go right back into feeling like there*s supposed to be more to life. I have been struggling with this since I was young...my biggest fears have come true...life as an adult is even worse than I ever expected. .... I honestly do not think I will be blogging a lot anymore bc I have nothing to say that is worth reading..or very uplifting right now and my mom always told me if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all.



I wish I could.

A New Year Has Arrived

You know, there have been nights where i just have so much stuff swirling in my head and i want to whip out my cell phone or computer so i can actually have something interesting to say and for you to read...but...i usually am stuck with my arms tacked down in some way...but i CAN give an update on whats been happening...
x~mas...we got to go home and got to deliver the gifts i was so excited to finally find on e-bay for my brother and sister...had a great time there with mom, steve and ben and the dogs...Mo the hotdog dog was just cracking me up the entire time...for some reason this time he fell helplessly in love with me from the moment i walked in and would follow me around and sit staring up at me...not blinking..with such a emotional expression...i asked mom what in the world was going on with him..she said...maybe you should go down to his level..so i laid down on the floor and he instantly climbed his long tummy over my face...and laid there. i started cracking up of course and he turned his neck...licked me 3 times and then covered my face better so i could not get any laughter out...of course this made me laugh harder and he just continued this for about 20 minutes when my stomach hurt so badly from laughing that i had to get up....

ANYWAY...i thought it was hysterical..but i guess it was a had-to-be-there moment. SO then, we had the 1st VanAlstyne x-mas party which was fun, then had x-mas...got more gifts than i deserved from everyone...{i am honestly SO grateful and was just so taken back by how generous the VanA family is all the time..i am SO lucky to have come into such an amazing family...not just for the generosity of course but for the acceptance and love they show.)


Brooke and I got all bundled up and tracked down some sleds and went sledding....!!! Nothing tops sledding i tell u...i dont care about your snow boards or skiis...sledding tops them all...and there wasnt too much snow so it was prime sledding conditions bc it was easy to run back up the hills...after sledding we tried to slide around on the ice...wasnt as slippery as we hoped but we had fun...:)

Sooo...SOOO much eating occurred during this holiday..even MORE than usual...an almost deathly amount of good food and wine was consumed...ahhh now im so hungry!!! Then the second Vanalstyne party...MORE food...all around good time at home...then we sadly had to leave...got about an hour into our trip home...made it about 5 miles...and had to turn around...SNOW DAY!!! So we got to spend one extra night snuggling up and watching movies with the fam :)

THENN.. came NEW YEARS EVE... and we got surprise guests BrookGlenn and Roxy!!!



I pretty much felt like death [this  picture -------->  is of a homeless dude who we watched ride down the 2nd longest escalator in the world on his butt..and just stayed there sitting at the bottom..it was funny] from a couple days prior but i still tried to suck it up enough to try to be as fun as possible...we went out to old town alexandria for their fireworks and lights and laser show...before the show we all made the mistake of drinking too much and then filling up on HardTimes famous chili....but still...good time...and it was just SO great to have them around...MISS THEM!!! I made a bunch of resolutions and so far i have stuck to each one..and they all make me feel great...
what else?...i dont think i should keep paying for my gym membership..it*s 50 a month and i honestly can do all the workouts at home if i wanted to...and i dont stay and use all the facilities they have like i should that i would if i had a gf who went with me....soo..i feel like i should save money and cancel?? i dunno..any thoughts? bc i think i would even stick to a workout schedule more if i just did it at home bc thats easier to fit in and is less time consuming...
what else?!...i spent all day on the phone with verizon fios today...i HATE THEM....they are TERRIBLE at problem solution as well as costumer service...
Annnddd finally...dj and i need to cut back on our spending...yes the holidays are always expensive..but the whole reason for our move was to bank tons of money..and we are just not...maybe bc of all the weddings when we first moved here and then we bought at least one big item for the house every month..hmmmm..
i have been told by at least 4 people in the past month that i remind them of Rapunzel from Tangled...THAT statement makes me VERY happy...bc i LOVE her...and 2 people have said i remind them of Reese Witherspoon (in her new movie?) ..this..i will also take as a compliment..although i have not seen the movie.

I have more to say i guess...but i feel like this is getting too long...
}}I hope everyones holiday season was filled to the top with love and laughter...and hope you feel inspired for this new year ahead!!

StiCky SaP, BaLLet shoEs & Top NotCh PeOple

₩ell we made it home for thanksgiving which was so great...I got to see pretty much my entire family both in CT and NY...and many of my friends including one of my long lost friends who I got to catch up with which was rather surreal. It*s so strange when you haven*t seen someone you used to be so close to, who knew everything about you inside and out..and then you have to try to catch them up with what you have been doing the past 3 years in about 3 hours time. As I told my story it hit me how much can happen in 3 years. Also how much I still need to accomplish off my list of things I had wanted to accomplish by now.

I*m not sure exactly what changed in my head...I think it was Ally passing away...but since then a great deal of fog thats been looming over my head the past few months has blown away and I am more inspired and genuinely posisitve {not just putting on a front of positivity}. There are still things I am un-certain about... but even just being honest with myself about that fact makes me feel better.

I just finished helping out with the Nutcracker here...
Being back stage again and around so many passionate people had such a nostalgic and warm feeling about it. I felt home again. Butterflies are contagious.. and everything that goes into preparing for a performance is just pure magic. Theres NOTHING else like it. It*s just the fact that you are witnessing a MILLION different pieces coming together all at once... to form something absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

Each piece has taken someone so much dedication and time and love...and then it all gets thrown together and without the other pieces it wouldn*T seem like anything...
...but with the entire team... the entire force all at once... you have ALL created something so powerful... together. And then i finally got to see the production on the last night... and sat next to the sweetest little girl with autism... and just hearing her gasp in awe when she saw the sugar plum fairy in her sparkling tutu... it*s what it*s all about.. it*s why performers do what they do... and as the music grew louder and louder... the little girl would get SO enthralled in the performance... she would mimic the music until she got to loud that her mother would have to tell her to "shhh"...
... being part of such a beautiful and complex machiene again was absolutely fantastic. I met so many interesting and inspiring people... and to me.. that*s what life is about.... experiences like that.


Work is also going really well... because it is the holiday season and Marriott throws associate holiday parties throughout the month... i have been sent on task force {where you go and work at other properties so they are free to attend their holiday party} ...i have met the most incredibly friendly people...
it honestly takes me by surprise... and i almost catch myself asking... wait..WHY are you being that way? why are you being so nice??? I*m VERY lucky. I*m VERY glad I am experiencing what i am experiencing. Everyday i learn something beautiful about life.
And everyday someone impresses me. Is that rare? I feel like it is. Whatever it is... i appreciate it and love every second of it.

♡☃Yesterday Dj and i went out hunted down our perfect X~mas tree..and honestly... it is PERFECT. I*ve never seen such a perfect tree. It is the PERFECT size... hight.. fullness... and it smells SO heavenly!!! Driving home with it we both had sap on our hands loving every sticky moment of it... we kept taking turns sniffing these slices of pine taken off the trunk of our tree... i took them home so i could use them as wintertime coasters... We also picked up pine garlands with pine cones attached and hung them over the window sills and fireplace (where i have candles, and my little nutcracker prince the ballet gave me as part of a thank you gift}
and swirled them around the front porch and over the door.... it makes me SO SO happy!!!!!❄ ❅ Did i mention that part of my orchard will have an x-mas tree farm attached? ;]

Today Dj and I went out to the NRA range and then spent hours picking out an awesome guitar that we got!! AND NOW... Dj is playing me Taylor Swift songs!!!!!! It*s freaking un~believable and the sensations i get when i*m around crafty people is so intense!!... when i*m around it i just feel amazing. ♬♪

What else.. what else... oh...It was DJ*s b~day! Did i even mention that?! So i tried to make that as special for him as possible and coOked these dishes that honestly impressed me to the fullest degree...i really had to pat myself on the back..i think it was just luck bc i made everything from scratch and didn*t use a recipe... Dj LOVED all his presents and it was just great to get to have off all weekend and spend it with him. Last night we went out to celebrate Cat*s 25th b~day as well at olive garden and i had THE BEST WINEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... i never thought of myself as a wine lover... i am now officially a wine ℓo√ﻉℛ!!♥

--If You*ve Never Failed........You*ve Never Lived--

....absolutely worth watching.