I have turned into such an insecure person as time has moved past...I*m not EXACTLY sure what caused it...a number of things really..and mostly i feel it was caused by people i thought would always be in my life ended up not showing up when i needed them or disappearing over time completely. I can*t help but remember my past and be grateful...and wonder where the breaking point was...when was the point where my decline started? When did i no longer feel safe? when did my innocence start disappearing? When was the time when the "adult conversations" start becoming impossible to ignore...
*[This is simply a tribute to an amazing piece of my life that i was lucky enough to get to experience...the physical will soon be gone...but i am still here...and i will forever hold the feelings i got from this place in my soul forever.]*
*When I was very very young, and my mother and I knew not where to turn..Ardsley was my home...and it continued to be my safe haven for many many years after. Not only did i flourish in this red home...but did my aunt, uncle and mother when they were young. This house had magical powers...it make me feel invincible. I remember the immediate feeling of safety and relief even when my mother would turn the corner on their street and i would catch a glimpse of the driveway. I KNEW i was in good hands...that i was free...that my best friend was within running distance..and that i could be whoever i wanted to be soon.
... As a child, you want SOMETHING to count on...SOMETHING for sure...and that house always provided it. (in so many ways)
What happens is that...life happens. NOTHING lasts forever..and you are not always able to hold on to what you wish you could. It*s a part of life...and it is inevitable. It is always hard to say good bye to a place that held so many of your fondest memories...but at least the memories WILL survive. All that being said...Here*s...to the house..that built me.
Here I am. Miriam C. Torres. Truly happy.
At my Grandfather and my favorite place on earth..
The Greenberg Nature Center
One of the many family get togethers held at the house...obviously this was back in the late 80*s (note:jodi*s ensemble)
<3Nanny<3
...I can*t help but noticing the flowers growing along the pathway to the house...they also held such importance to me...even though my parents divorced when I was a baby...my father still showed up every month to help my grandfather take care of the flowers.
G.pa n lil me in the back yard...my hero. A man with rubber-bands and paper-clips in his pockets to some...a man with endless creativity, games and excitement to his grand-daughter.
Us at a local farm...There are not many people gifted with the ability to carry the power of "seeing things through a child's eyes" into adulthood...but I honestly believe my grandfather noticed EVERY color and every blade of hay I did that day, at the same time I did..and expressed and felt the same amount of enthusiasm I did....that*s why we got along so well...he wasn*t faking it...
...I believe he still holds that gift with him to this day...while I remain clinging onto it for dear life.
One of my many birthday parties celebrated with the people who love me most. I*m SO beyond blessed to have the most caring, intelligent, playful and inspiring women in my family tree.
The angel in white in the middle is my Nanny...{who I was later dubbed "Nanniam" after} This woman had a heart of pure gold... not only gold..but butterflies and sparkling jewels and doves as well...She had the softest earlobes, the wittiest one liners and a deep deep love and appreciation for those around her.
. . .BFFS.....by now you may be starting to understand where{or WHO} I got my picture taking obsession from. {Random Fact:The Ardsley house was where i had my first EVER experience with makeup...as well as pointe shoes.}
These next few pictures are pretty random, but i had to throw them in. For this one, it*s like when you lose a pet, or a friend...you cherish every picture of them you can find. This is an old friend from my days at P.P.A.S...we were taking "editorial shots" in grandma and grandpa*s plush living room. I always thought it was the most divine room in existence. I pretended I was royalty countless times in this room growing up and day dreamed that one day i would have a living room as elegant. This magnificent room also housed most of my performances. Family members knew they had to be ready at ANY moment for an announcement of a new play that would be starting IMMEDIATELY..and that they had to be ready to drop EVERYTHING to attend.
This is another random shot i just had to throw in bc it was in the same photo album as the others and i thought it was really cute...and random. Who poses like this??? My mother and I do...
Same day....w/ my popsicle stand...
...My two bestest friends at the time...we were hanging out one day and said...we*re should we go today? lets take a road trip! ... (first yr of being able to drive alone)...we all said together ... "GRANDPAS!!!" ..and here we were.
In the beautiful backyard...making memories...being happy. Truly happy.
The best grandparents in the ENTIRE world.
It will be one of the hardest things i*ll ever have to do... say good bye to that house...but i have to remember the things i learned there..and carry them with me into the days ahead.
Baked apples can be cooked in whatever kitchen my grandmother cooks in... i will eventually master the art myself and teach my kids....Worms can be watched in almost any garden ... There will be new secret hiding places to discover... Laundry shoots can be installed in any future home...and sword fights and bed time stories can take place under any roof....
It is the people who infuse objects and traditions with magic. Magic that grows everlasting comfort and strength within. Strength and character that can never die unless you let it. I will never forget who i am, and where I came from. The red house of Ardsley NY will never fade from my heart...it can*t...it is a part me.
